| Dear God, I really don't know what to say at the moment. I feel like I am kinda writting out of guilt because I haven't really talked to you the past couple days. I feel like it is so pointless though. I can't seem to allow you in every part of my life and I can't seem to even find a connection with just talking to you. I know that I need to really do some soul searching and I know that I need to be working more at trying to figure things out but I kinda feel like I am just putting it off. I have been working so hard on surviving that it's all that matters. I don't let myself have time to think because that doesn't really help with the whole concept of surviving. I don't let myself have time for really anything. It kinda sux as a way to live but it is a way to survive. I guess I have been working so hard to not let myself think that I don't really want to. I dread just sitting and thinking. I know that it is pointless to put things off and nothing will get better if I do but I feel like I don't really know how to do anything else. I guess I am just kinda waiting. I don't really know for what. I am not really waiting to die anymore because you say that I can't do that until you say so. Recently I have found that to be so incredibly frustrating. Anyways, I guess I felt like I should at least take a few minutes to try to talk to you. God, please help me figure things out. Help things get better sooner rather then later. I know that you do things in your own time and that I need to be patient but it can become so difficult at times. It feels as though I have been suffering through all of this forever and I just want it all to go away. I know that it probably won't just magically go away though I also know that you could do that if you wanted to. God, just help me. I am so frustrated and I really don't know what to do. -Cat |
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We've probably all been there! I know I have. 
Please come by and visit my journal! I'd love to have you. 
... 
Cat, this is definately a BIG step in the right direction! 
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